Every Wednesday or Thursday during the 2017 season, Joe Caporoso will break down the upcoming week of NFL action. Unfasten the belts and prepare to gorge on another weekend of fandom, fantasy, gambling, tweeting, cheering, complaining…and complaining.
The BackdropWe have been subjected to a handful of awful playoff races in recent years, most of which have come from the AFC South or involved the Bengals getting a wild card spot. This year’s race for the #6 seed in the AFC may take the cake. Let’s look at how it currently breaks down:
- Buffalo: 5-4
- Baltimore: 4-5
- Oakland: 4-5
- Miami: 4-5
- Jets: 4-6
- Houston: 3-6
- Cincinnati: 3-6
- Los Angles: 3-6
- Denver: 3-6
- Indianpolis: 3-7
GUH! The team leading this “race” just benched their wholly competent starting quarterback to play a 5th round rookie AKA they are already thinking about next year. Miami has lost their last three games by a combined score of 112-45, the Jets just lost to RYAN FITZPATRICK and the Bucs and the Ravens have been about as entertaining as paint drying this season. Oakland? They have been flat out horrible since their 2-0 start and are about to run into the New England buzzsaw.
It feels insane to include the teams below them but you still have to at this point because of how BAD everybody is. Houston is waving the white flag with every Tom Savage drop back. Denver is doing the same with Brock Osweiler. The Chargers are damned to a purgatory of one possession losses and the Bengals are still led by Andy Dalton and Marvin Lewis.
If you asked me today, Baltimore is probably the favorite based on their remaining schedule which includes the Browns, Texans, Bengals and Colts. The Chargers and Bengals have an outside shot to make a run and maybe get in a 7-9. Yes, a 7-9 team may make it this year. Buffalo is finished with two New England games left and Nathan Peterman under center. The Jets still have to play New England, New Orleans, Carolina and Kansas City with a quarterback who is so old he may disintegrate in the December winds at MetLife Stadium. Oakland still has to play the Patriots, Chiefs and Eagles.When discussing all of this, remember BLAKE BORTLES and Jacksonville are likely going to be the #5 seed. Fun times!
A Three Team Tease Is Always A Bad Idea But…
- New England (-0.5), Los Angeles Chargers (+1.5), Pittsburgh (-0.5)
Jack Del Rio isn’t beating Bill Belichick. The Chargers front should have their way with the Bills offensive line. Pittsburgh is the home team on a short week, which should be a big advantage against Tennessee.Primetime Parlay
- Pittsburgh (-6.5), Philadelphia (-4)
Eagles deserve the benefit of the doubt until they lose, especially with how banged up Dallas is. See above on Pittsburgh.
- New England (-6.5)
Belichick vs. Del Rio. Belichick vs. Del Rio. Belichick vs. Del Rio.
- QB – Tom Brady
- RB – Mark Ingram
- RB – Adrian Peterson
- WR – Tyreek Hill
- WR – Stefan Diggs
- WR – Keenan Allen
- TE – Julius Thomas
- K – Kai Forbath
- D – Arizona
Overrated Snack Of The Week
Pistachios…with no shells!
Another thing to blame on MILLENIALS! Too lazy to take the shells off pistachios? Ridiculous. The shells are the only thing helping slow you down so you don’t eat 8,500 of these in one sitting and make yourself sick. Let the shells do their job!
Random Internet Complaint
BAD QUARTERBACKS! Having to watch bad quarterbacks, analyze bad quarterbacks, watch people justify bad quarterbacks and debate about bad quarterbacks!
Week 11 QB Match-Ups
Dalton vs. Osweiler 😰 😰 😰
Hundley vs. Flacco 😟😟😟
Fitzpatrick vs. Cutler 🚮 🚮 🚮
Peterman vs. Clemens 💩 💩 💩
Gabbert vs. Savage 💀💀💀 pic.twitter.com/AVznGVvhqQ
— Joe Caporoso (@JCaporoso) November 15, 2017
Survivor Pick Power Rankings
- Kansas City
- New England
Survivor Status: Dead!
Random NFL GIF
The most Browns thing ever.
- The Giants will lose by at least 20 points.
- Cleveland will lose in the final minutes…but still lose.
- Miami will bench Jay Cutler.
- The Saints winning streak will continue in convincing fashion.
- This week will be Case Keenum’s last start.
NFL/GM Coach Reminders
- You haven’t made the playoffs since 1999! (Buffalo Bills organization)
- Your team hates you! (Ben McAdoo)
- Don’t play conservative against Ryan Fitzpatrick. You know him! (Todd Bowles)
Photo Credit: NFL.com