New York Jets CBS Sadness

Mike Donnelly of TOJ breaks down an article proclaiming the Giants better than the New York Jets from Jason Keidel

A few weeks back I wrote an article breaking down a particular crappy column by Gary Myers of the Daily News. I borrowed the format from an old awesome website called Fire Joe Morgan (FJM) that used to pick apart things in a similar fashion, and we got pretty good feedback here from it. I’ve been waiting for another column to pop up that could match that level of absolute garbage, and today I believe I’ve found it! 

It is by someone named Jason Keidel and the link is HERE and is all about how the Giants are still a lot better than the Jets, because 2007/HelmetCatch/Eli/Rings/LOLJets or something. Anyway, I’m thinking we should name this series “Fire Gary Myers” in honor of FJM, so please be sure to comment down below what you think of that name. Oh yeah, also feel free to comment on how crappy this article is by Jason Keidel. Enjoy!

(His actual column is in bold. My comments are below them in regular font)

Keidel: Don’t Be Fooled — Giants Are Still A Much Better Bet Than The Jets

Sure, if the bet is – “what team will have more losses, more turnovers, a worse defense, more hilarious faces by their QB, or more delusional fans who point to 2007 as a reason for things in 2014”, then yes I agree. The Giants are a much better bet.

I got such a silly and sacrilegious tweet on Monday night that it rendered me inert.

Translation: I got really sad when someone pointed out my favorite team sucks on Twitter 🙁

Some Jets homer

ie: Someone with eyes

implied that Geno Smith is better than Eli Manning

EVERYONE is better than Eli Manning now.

Before you get all giddy about the 1-0 Jets, please remember that they simply — and barely — held serve against the wretched Raiders…

Anybody who watched that game saw they dominated the entire game. And if the Raiders are “wretched”, what would that make the Giants?

…a team that hasn’t mattered in a decade

Oh here we go. Gee, I wonder if we’ll start hearing about the Giants past success 7 years ago. I BET WE WILL!

I’ve been called all kinds of hater for my cynical take on Gang Green.

I’m guessing that’s because your takes probably suck and are wrong?

But even the most jaded Jets fan realized that if they didn’t defeat Oakland, then the season was a rather dire proposition.

What does that have to do with anything? They didn’t lose. They won. That’s like saying “Hey if the Allies didn’t take down Hitler, then they would be in a rather dire position!” Or even “Hey, if Eli didn’t throw all those damn interceptions maybe the Giants would be better!” The fact is the Jets won, so what the hell is the point of saying “Well, if they lost…”? They didn’t.

And for all of Smith’s pyrotechnic stats

Pyrotechnic? Oh, you mean his good stats from the good game he played. I got ya.

he still turned the ball over twice and tried a third

Yeah, poor crappy Geno tried to have a third turnover, but he couldn’t quite do it! A REAL quarterback like Eli Manning would have gotten that third one easily and been on to numbers 4 and 5! That’s how quarterbackin’ is done!

Manning has become a turnover machine of almost equal renown.

Hmm…are you referring to the player who leads the NFL in interceptions for the last 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 seasons? 

But he does have two Super Bowl rings and two Super Bowl MVP awards, which is perennially lost on the masses.

Is this lost on anybody? No, because we have to hear about it every freaking 2 seconds from delusional homer Giants fans who act as if things that happened 7 years ago matter today. THATS OK ELI, FORGET THAT PICK 6 SHOW THEM YOUR RINGZ!!

And maybe I was a bit bullish on Big Blue…

Because that’s what homer fans do. That’s OK.

…but I’m not going to retract anything 60 minutes into the season.


We love the eternal sports edict that it’s not how you begin, but rather how you finish. And the sprawling platitudes about resilience and toughness and never quitting, and images of David Tyree pinning a pigskin to his helmet against all odds and laws of physics.

lol again. The Giants will be fine this year guys because David Tyree made a catch 7 years ago.

Among the winless are the Patriots, Packers, Chargers, Colts and Saints. Does anyone really think they will end on the bottom rung of their respective divisions?

Hmm, let’s see…better than the Giants, better than the Giants, better than the Giants, better than the Giants, aaaaand better than the Giants. You’re really comparing the GIANTS to those teams? The same Giants who were a dumpster fire last year, all preseason, and week 1 of 2014? Oh…

Jets fans can feel some relief at being a game up on the Patriots for the first time since the Civil War.

Nope, no bitterness at all to this line. None at all.

But can anyone assert with any certainty that this is where the teams will end their seasons?

This is just so stupid. No, I’m pretty sure the Patriots won’t finish winless. But again, this has nothing to do with the Patriots, does it? The Giants might go 2-14, why don’t we go back and talk about that some more?

Over their next six games, the Jets play the Packers, Bears, Lions, Chargers, Broncos and Patriots. Pray for 3-3 and relax.

Over their next six games, the Giants play the Cardinals, Texans, Redskins, Falcons, Eagles, and Cowboys. Pray for 1-5 and relax. 

And let’s not bury their MetLife co-tenants. We’ve seen this script before. The Jets once started 10-1 and didn’t reach the AFC title game, while Big Blue once started 0-2 and defeated the undefeated Pats.

Let’s talk about things from the 80’s! Hey, the Dolphins once started 1-0 and then finished undefeated. That means it’s probably going to happen again this year!

Not to defend the Giants,

but that’s exactly what I’m going to do…

But it’s quintessentially New York to stretch our first impressions over an entire season. Based on the last 48 hours, the Jets are a first-place team and the Giants a cellar dweller, in grand defiance of each team’s history over the last 30 years.

Does anybody else get the feeling if things were reversed and the Jets took a big dump on the field week 1 and the Giants look great, this article wouldn’t be about how we can’t put too much into week 1? And again…we’re going back 30 years now? So what happened in 1984 is relevant this season? That’s interesting. 

Granted, the Giants have been a front-four team, and this year’s squad is decidedly different and weaker. There’s no Justin Tuck, Michael Strahan or Osi Umenyiora to rally the downtrodden defense.

Yep, just part of why the Giants suck. I agree.

But if we are to remain true to our stated mantra that the HC/QB combo is the most sacred in the sport, then it’s still impossible to pick Rex Ryan and Smith over Tom Coughlin and Manning.

First, no it isn’t. Second, I’m pretty sure there are 53 players on the team, no?

Ryan has won nothing, yet we imbue him with almost biblical virtue every year. 

The hate is strong!!

Smith threw 12 touchdowns and 21 interceptions last year, yet he’s the anointed leader a few months later.

How did Eli do as a rookie? 

Coughlin has done nothing but win wherever he’s been, but we’re supposed to abandon his bio.

Except for when he got fired in Jacksonville and won nothing?

And if Gang Green groupies want to draw endless conclusions from opening weekend, then let’s also declare that the Bills and Dolphins — who pulled off big upsets — are exponentially better than we expected

Yes, two more teams better than the Giants, good point!

Let’s wait a few games before we crown or drown a team with opinions.

Nah. The Jets looked good. The Giants looked awful. Enjoy your 2007 YouTube highlights and the top 5 pick next May!