Every Wednesday or Thursday during the 2017 season, Joe Caporoso will break down the upcoming week of NFL action. Unfasten the belts and prepare to gorge on another weekend of fandom, fantasy, gambling, tweeting, cheering, complaining…and complaining.
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With nine teams feasibly still alive in the NFC and eight teams feasibly still alive in the AFC, the playoffs have unofficially started heading into this weekend. Nobody has clinched a #1 seed and outside of the Eagles, nobody has clinched a bye week. This weekend will bring more clarity to a still jumbled race, particularly in the NFC so we can all begin plotting our wild card weekend betting strategy.
In the NFC, Sunday feels like a knockout punch for the current LOB Era Seattle Seahawks who are too beat up to stay alive on the road against a Dallas team getting Zeke back. The Cowboys need a small miracle to get in the playoffs but they should mathematically stay alive another week. All we can hope for is that either Dallas or Atlanta do enough to make sure they get one of the wild card spots so we can avoid a boring, Detroit blow out loss in the first round. The only way get a wild card game in the NFC that is not a terrific matchup is if the Lions sneak in, otherwise we are looking at Matt Ryan, Cam Newton, Drew Brees and Jared Goff all throwing the ball around.
In the AFC, it feels inevitable that Tennessee will lose out because they are a thoroughly mediocre team and playing Los Angeles and Jacksonville over the next two weeks. If Buffalo loses to New England and beats Miami (#AsExpected), they are going to be staring at missing the playoffs again (no appearances since 1995!) if the Chargers win their last two because they got drunk and played Nathan Peterman one game. From an enjoyment watching perspective, Chargers at Jacksonville and Ravens at Chiefs Wild Card Weekend is not all that bad considering what we were staring at most of the year.
A Three Team Tease Is Always A Bad Idea But…
- Ravens (-7.5), Vikings (-2.5), Lions (+1.5)
Must win primetime games against severely inferior opponents for the Ravens and Vikings, who will handle business. The Bengals have checked out completely, bet against them as if they were the Browns.
- Steelers (-9), Vikings (-8.5)
Bet against TJ Yates and Brett Hundley against two quality defenses.
- Lions (-4.5)
Stay betting against the Bengals who appear to have no interest in sending Marvin Lewis out on a high note.
- QB – Alex Smith
- RB – Ezekiel Elliot
- RB – Christian McCaffrey
- WR – Golden Tate
- WR – Tyreek Hill
- WR – Demaryius Thomas
- TE – Evan Engram
- K – Blair Walsh
- D – Kansas City
Overrated Snack of the Week
Thoroughly mediocre hooked poles of sugar that are not enjoyable to eat because you always get lazy/bored and try to bite through it, hurting your teeth. This is also the quintessential “we really don’t give a crap about you” gift to hand out to a co-worker or friend. It is like dropping a handful of mints on their desk that you found in your jacket pocket. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Random Internet Complaint
People dumping all over Star Wars! Shut up with your damn nitpicking and petitions to have it removed from the series canon.
Survivor Pick Power Rankings
Survivor Status: Dead!
Random NFL GIF
The rare “complete a pass to yourself, then throw another incompletion on the same play even though it is a penalty” – Smart third down football from Bryce Petty!
- Cleveland will not win their first game this weekend.
- Jay Cutler will have epically bad performance.
- Jimmy G will upset Jacksonville.
- The Christmas Day games will both be blowouts.
NFL/GM Coach Reminders
- You are a young quarterback’s worst nightmare (Hue Jackson!)
- It isn’t the referees fault (Jack Del Rio!)
- Don’t even think of hiring Jeff Fisher (Cleveland, Chicago, Indy front office!)
Photo Credit: NFL.com