Every Wednesday or Thursday during the 2017 season, Joe Caporoso will break down the upcoming week of NFL action. Unfasten the belts and prepare to gorge on another weekend of fandom, fantasy, gambling, tweeting, cheering, complaining…and complaining.
It is that time of the year where every website and pundit you know writes their annual HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR FAMILY AT THANKSGIVING article. Apparently everybody now hosts an episode of “Crossfire” at their table so this has become a cottage industry of writing in our divided times. Here is a quick, handy guide to redirect conversation at your table in case the famed RACIST Uncle or #WOKE younger cousin looks to get on their bully pulpit with one of the quotes below…
“They are saying it is a CLASSIC GAMBINO STYLE rollup in this Russia investigation…it is only a matter of time!”
- Speaking of organized crime, The Godfather trilogy is on TCM tonight. I always thought those movies were OVERRATED (now an enormous fight can break out about why your opinion on movies is stupid and misinformed).
“You see these ANTIFA soldiers stopping all these college speeches? I hear they are going door to door!”
- Speaking of colleges, how that Rick Pitino? Look at what these coaches do but they can’t pay these kids! (Now you can have a less charged conversation about college students and if they should get paid or not).
“I saw on THE FACEBOOK that Hilary was selling satanic spells directly to the Middle East!”
- Speaking of Facebook, did you see that new Lavar Ball show? How about that guy? (now you can show them this video and all have a big laugh).
“Guess who was golfing again yesterday? Does this POTUS ever work?!?”
- Speaking of golf, what ever happened to Tiger Woods? (now you can all trade stories about all the crazy crap Tiger’s down in recent years).
Enjoy your Thanksgiving, as somebody who completely disagrees with his in-laws on everything related to everything, from politics to sports, I promise you will be fine.
A Three Team Tease Is Always A Bad Idea But…
- Cincinnati (-2), Atlanta (-3), Baltimore (-1)
The Bengals have already thoroughly handled the Browns this season, who are going 0-16. People are getting baited into FITZMAGIC again but Atlanta should buzzsaw that this weekend at home. The Ravens defense versus Tom Savage in their building in primetime feels like a recipe for disaster for Houston’s offense.
Primetime Parlay (THANKSGIVING SPECIAL!)
- Detroit (+3), Los Angeles (+1)
Take those DOGS! The Vikings are due for a loss and the Lions still have their weird late game magic thing going on. Dallas is completely out of sorts without Tyron Smith, Zeke and Sean Lee. BONUS FUN watching Jerry Jones and Chris Christie suffer in the Owner’s Box.
- Ravens (-7)
Bet against Savage in primetime. There is no reason Baltimore can’t do to him what they did to Brett Hundley.
FanDuel Fun (Thursday Only!)
- QB – Matthew Stafford
- RB – Orleans Darkwa
- RB – Ameer Abdullah
- WR – Dez Bryant
- WR – Adam Thielen
- WR – Keenan Allen
- TE – Kyle Rudolph
- K – Matt Prater
- D – Redskins
Overrated Thanksgiving Food Of The Week
A traditional desert that often appears on the table out of obligation. It is taking up unnecessary space. In the pie family, it is well behind apple. In the larger pie/cake family, it is well behind cheesecake and carrot cake. In the larger desert family, it is well behind cannolis, homemade cookies and those boxes of assorted chocolates your Aunt always brings. Save your table space, Halloween is over!
Random Internet Complaint
You get one picture to post what you are consuming on Thanksgiving. You do not get one picture for every course. Don’t be clogging up people’s feeds with 7 different slides of food imagery. Put the phone in your pocket and focus on eating.
Survivor Pick Power Rankings
- New England
Survivor Status: Dead!
Random NFL GIF
Enjoy Nathan Peterman, Bills fans who never appreciated Tyrod Taylor!
- We will get three one possession games on Thanksgiving.
- New England will run it up on Miami.
- Blaine Gabbert’s Revenge Game will not go well for him.
- Green Bay will pull Brett Hundley during their Sunday Night game.
NFL/GM Coach Reminders
- Your team’s mess is your fault (John Elway!)
- Your team’s mess is your fault (Sean McDermott!)
- Jay Cutler is never a wise investment (Adam Gase!)
Photo Credit: NFL.com