TOJ Game of Tanks Episode One: How Close Are The New York Jets to the Iron Throne?

Dalbin Osorio breaks down the current NFL Draft order, Game of Thrones style…

With the NFL regular season winding down, the Game of Tanks is beginning to come into focus. We’ve removed the would-be usurpers from the board, like the Chargers and Rams, and surprise threats have emerged, like the Raiders and Broncos. The Jets entered the season the favorites to lay claim to the throne: with no dragons (offensive playmakers) to speak of, the Jets’ claim lay in the belief that they were the rightful heir to the Iron Throne (number one pick).

This, despite their nephew-in-tank (the Cleveland Browns) sitting on the throne to begin the season, and serial draft plotter Cersei Sashi Brown using unconventional means (Paul DePodesta’s wild fire) to line the war chests with precious currency. The Jets, also, had to worry about a once-proud family, the 49ers, aligning themselves with the Lord of Light Success (Kyle Shanahan) and choosing to deploy a stealth and deceptive approach to build their army, all while being willing to unsuspectingly release JimmySandre. The Niners are trying to determine whether they go North to the Wall and spend their cap space or do they head toward the Iron Throne through payment of draft capital? There is a lot of intrigue swirling in the Game of Tanks, where you either win or lose, and a loss could mean you join Russell Wilson Stark and the Legion of Direwolves. The North always remembers.

  1. Cleveland Browns (Lannisters): They currently occupy the Iron Throne with 5 episodes left. The Scheduling Gods are sending the Lannisters out West to do battle with a formidable army indeed, as the Chargers of San Diego are currently moving further and further away from the Iron Throne and instead have their sights set on the Sept of Baelor (the playoffs).
  2. San Francisco 49ers (Baratheon, led by Stannis): Stannis is sending JimmySandre to do battle with the Knights of the Vale next weekend, as the Reach tries to get closer to the Throne by taking on a worthy competitor.
  3. Indianapolis Colts (Tyrells): Andrew Luck’s (Margary Tyrell) brief flirtation with deserting his team, due to meddling from the King of Thorns (Jim Irsay), has been put on the back burner as Jacoby Brissett tried to ensure his team reaches the Iron Throne. While Jacoby, the football realm’s resident Loras Tyrell, isn’t solely to blame for this once proud family’s collapse he is no Margary.
  4. New York Giants (Baratheons, led by Renly): This once proud family has been split with rancor since their fearless leader Beckham of Odell was lost. People should’ve seen this coming when the Giants rejected the Shadow of a rebuild and it slated them all in the process. Will they continue to turn on each other now that their leader is dead? A trip to North of the Wall and into the Black Hole awaits.
  5. Denver Broncos (Ironborn, led by a eunich for now): What is Dead May never die, and that is true for Reek Siemien. He has regained his rightful perch atop the Iron Islands. How long will it last? The more attractive heir, Paxton Ara Greyjoy Lynch, is on the bench and no one knows when he’ll return, so for now it is on Reek to lead the Iron fleet.
  6. New York Jets (Dorne, still feeling the effects of Belicheck’s betrayal of Leon Hess): The Sand Snakes have had the Iron Throne denied to them time and time again. Before the Iron Throne, before Tanking, the Jets existed. They are the only one of the seven kingdoms to not find a franchise QB, as they put their trust in the Viper Mark Sanchez only to see his arrogance doom them. Christian Hackenburg feels destined to be shipped off with the Iron Fleet, and now the Jets hope that a new champion, one perhaps with dragon blood, will emerge.
  7. Chicago Bears (The Reach, currently being led by a much-too-young King): Mitch Trubisky surveys the realm he inherited after Mike Glennon was poisoned by the Browns, and he is trying to make sure he is not sent through the moon door by Ryan Littlefinger Pace. While there is a chance they can rise up the ranks, especially if JimmySandre can enact some dark arts revenge on a team rumored to have wanted to utilize his services, this still feels like a pretender that will end up building around Mitch Jon Arryn.

Photo Credit: HBO.com 

Author: Dalbin Osorio

Dalbin Osorio is a Case Planner for Graham-Windham, New York's oldest child welfare agency. He is, also, a student at the Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter College. Dalbin graduated from Monroe College with a degree in Business Administration. A 3 sport utility man in high school (think a mix of Jerome WIlliams, Brad Smith, and Jayson Nix), he joined TOJ in 2013.

  • John

    I dont watch game of thrones, but i’m really interested in the Jets draft position. This article has too many references for me to make any sense of it. Can we get a version for the paupers?