Turn On The Jets NFL Week 3 Buffet – Settling Into September Slogging

Joe Caporoso with a preview for week 3 of the NFL in this week’s BUFFET…

Every Wednesday during the 2017 season, Joe Caporoso will break down the upcoming week of NFL action. Unfasten the belts and prepare to gorge on another weekend of fandom, fantasy, gambling, tweeting, cheering, complaining…and complaining. 

The Backdrop 

Nobody can score points and everybody has a different theory why. There is a shortage of quality quarterbacks. Offensive linemen are not getting enough practice time. Offensive coordinators are lacking creativity when attacking defenses that are getting increasingly athletic and diverse with their looks. So, why can’t anybody put ball in the end-zone unless they are playing the Saints?

It is a combination of all the above. There is no singular reason. NFL teams now spend the summer just trying to get through the preseason healthy, rather than prepare all their moving parts on offense for an upcoming season. There is an abnormally high number of bad quarterbacks playing right now while everybody waits for a (likely overhyped) loaded 2018 draft class. These quarterbacks hold the ball too long, cannot set protections or recognize blitz packages. When you mix this with a dwindling supply of quality offensive tackles you get a sack or throwaway every other play.

The scale is tipped to defenses right now. This is a season where we’ve had Kahlil Mack rushing Josh McCown, Calais Campbell rushing Tom Savage, JJ Watt rushing Andy Dalton and Micheal Bennett rushing Brian Hoyer to name a few. The NFL is currently stocked with a collection of signal callers who look like a late career Jake Delhomme. We already knew players like McCown, Hoyer, Mike Glennon and Blake Bortles were bad. We didn’t know how quickly players like Carson Palmer, Eli Manning and Drew Brees could fall off a cliff. We also didn’t know we’d be subjected to more Case Keenum starts and Jacoby Brissett starting for a team he joined 14 days ago.

Points will remain a struggle until offensive coaches find better ways to coach around the shortcomings of their quarterbacks. Let’s all hope next year’s quarterback class lives up to the hype because if the most important position in a sport is in the dumpster, everybody suffers.

A Three Team Tease Is Always A Bad Idea But…

  • Green Bay (-3.5), Pittsburgh (-1), Philadelphia (-0.5)

Somehow I don’t think switching offensive coordinators is going to solve all of the Bengals problems. Mike Glennon seems likely to struggle with Pittsburgh’s defense, just like Case Keenum did last week. The Giants offensive line against the Eagles defensive line is the biggest positional mismatch imaginable right now in the NFL. DUCK ELI!

Record: 1-1

Primetime Parlay 

  • San Francisco/LA Rams (Under 40), Dallas (-3)

ALWAYS take the under on Thursday Night Football, especially when Brian Hoyer is involved. Dallas should be bigger favorites despite their stinker. It took epic Chuck Pagano mismanagement for the Cardinals to beat the Colts last week, who are basically a CFL team at this point.

Record: 0-2

Straight Up 

  • Kansas City (-3.5)

I’m buying the Chiefs. The Chargers are also due to lose a game by more than three points.

Record: 1-1

FanDuel Fun 

  • QB – Alex Smith
  • RB – Isiah Crowell
  • RB – Mike Gillislee
  • WR – Antonio Brown
  • WR – AJ Green
  • WR – DaVante Parker
  • TE – Travis Kelce
  • K – Matt Prater
  • D – Cleveland

Overrated Snack Of The Week 

Pretzel Rods! 

There is nothing wrong with pretzels, particularly pretzels being dipped in Ken’s Honey Mustard but this is a convenience issue. You can’t scarf down rods while watching TV or looking at your laptop. The pretzel needs to be smaller, easier to dip and able to fit in your mouth on one bite. Give me a twist. Give me a nugget. No rods!

Random Internet Complaint 

Football fans fighting about tanking and whether to “root” for it or not…Let’s break this down one more time for clarity: The players are not trying to lose. The front office is clearly prioritizing future years and assets over winning immediately. Root for wins. Be less disappointed than usual by losses. Remember how you root has no impact on anything and not to lecture other people how to be fans because there is no one right way.

Survivor Pick Power Rankings 

  1. Green Bay
  2. Pittsburgh
  3. New England

Survivor Status: Still Alive! 

Random NFL GIF 

It is good to have Jay Cutler back…

Assorted Predictions

  • The Thursday Night and Sunday morning game will have a combined total of less than 60 points.
  • Cincinnati will finally score a touchdown.
  • Odell Beckham Jr will score a touchdown this weekend.
  • Cleveland is getting their first win of the season.
  • The Lions will upset the Falcons.
  • Deshaun Watson is going to have a rough time in New England.

NFL Coach Reminders (Mostly For Todd Bowles) 

  • Don’t throw a fade inside the 2 yard line unless you have Julio Jones.
  • Don’t feature players 28 and older when you are tanking (rebuilding).
  • You sound silly when you tell the media players are “fine” when they are playing awful.

Photo Credit: NFL.com 

Author: Joe Caporoso

Joe Caporoso is the Owner and EIC of Turn On The Jets. His writing has been featured in the New York Times, Huffington Post, MMQB and AdWeek. Caporoso played football his entire life, including four years at Muhlenberg as a wide receiver, where he was arguably the slowest receiver to ever start in school history. He is the VP of Social Media at Whistle Sports