Turn On The Jets NFL Week 1 Buffet – Hibernation SZN

Joe Caporoso with a collection of thoughts on week 1 of the 2017 NFL season

Every Wednesday during the 2017 season, Joe Caporoso will break down the upcoming week of NFL action. Unfasten the belts and prepare to gorge on another season of fandom, fantasy, gambling, tweeting, cheering, complaining…and complaining. 

The Backdrop 

The most hopeful week of the NFL season, week 1. Some fans are expecting a Super Bowl (Patriots, Packers). Some fans are expecting a playoff drought to end (Bucs, Titans). Some fans are kidding themselves about how good their team will be (Colts, Ravens) and some fans are thinking about 2018 quarterbacks (Bills, Jets). Wherever you land on the spectrum, everybody is happy they now have an excuse every Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday to stay inside, eat food loaded with sodium, take shots at the moron in their group chat and fight with many anonymous people on social media.

This is a strong slate of opening week games, highlighted by a potential NFC Championship Preview with Seattle at Green Bay, an angry Adrian Peterson in primetime against his former team and two “on the rise” AFC teams (Titans, Raiders) clashing over who is the MOST “on the rise.” There is only two games that feature two teams who have been written off by everybody as potential playoff contenders (Jets vs. Bills, Colts vs. Rams).

A Three Team Tease Is Always A Bad Idea But…

  • Atlanta (-0.5), New England (-3), Houston +1

Atlanta has an inevitable Super Bowl most gut wrenching loss in sports history hangover on the way but Mike Glennon is the perfect bloody mary to stave that off for another week. New England is winning, sadly and Alex Smith and Andy Reid are generally backdoor cover proof. Blake Bortles against Houston’s defense. Blake Bortles against Houston’s defense. Blake Bortles against Houston’s defense.

Primetime Parlay 

  • Giants (+4), Denver (-3.5)

Four points is a touch too high for a divisional game between two evenly matched opponents, especially with how the Giants had Dallas’ number last season. Denver’s defense will do enough to cover the spread against LOS ANGELES (still sounds weird).

Straight Up 

  • Jets vs. Bills (Under 40.5)

Neither of these teams are acting like winning in 2017 is their top priority. Neither of these teams feel better about their offense than their defense. The starting receivers in this game are Zay Jones, Jordan Matthews, Robby Anderson and Jermaine Kearse. Hammer that under.

FanDuel Fun 

  • QB – Cam Newton
  • RB – Dalvin Cook
  • RB – David Johnson
  • WR – Brandon Marshall
  • WR – Emmanuel Sanders
  • WR – Michael Thomas
  • TE – Martellus Bennett
  • K – Matt Bryant
  • D – Indianapolis Colts

Overrated Snack Of The Week 

Baked Lays – A weak chip to begin with becomes even weaker after being processed in this vastly unfulfilling way. Terrible for dipping.

Random Internet Complaint 

Twitter released these emojis for all the NFL teams. Am I bummed that the Jets are one of only six teams who have nothing but their team nickname to generate a hashtag? Yes, maybe. We are not exactly in great company with the Bills and Jaguars. Also Atlanta’s should have been #TwentyEightThree and the Dolphins should have been #SmokinJay.

Survivor Pick Power Rankings 

  1. Atlanta
  2. Houston
  3. Carolina

Random NFL GIF 

They don’t make celebrations like they used to…

Assorted Predictions

  • Eddie Lacy will score two touchdowns against his former team
  • Rex Burkhead will become one of the most popular fantasy football pickups after Thursday.
  • Blake Bortles will get benched at some point Sunday.
  • Mike Glennon will throw a pick six
  • Myles Garrett will have two sacks in his debut.

NFL Coach Reminders (Mostly For Todd Bowles) 

  • Don’t run on 2nd and 10.
  • Don’t use timeouts in the 1st and 3rd quarter.
  • Don’t punt inside the opponent’s 45 yard line.

Photo Credit: MetLife.com 

Author: Joe Caporoso

Joe Caporoso is the Owner and EIC of Turn On The Jets. His writing has been featured in the New York Times, Huffington Post, MMQB and AdWeek. Caporoso played football his entire life, including four years at Muhlenberg as a wide receiver, where he was arguably the slowest receiver to ever start in school history. He is the VP of Social Media at Whistle Sports