LEAKED: Brian Schottenheimer’s Resume

TOJ has acquired a copy of the resume Brian Schottenheimer is using for his head coaching interviews

Due to my terrific inside sources around the New York Jets organization, I have been able to acquire a copy of the resume Brian Schottenheimer is using on his head coaching interviews.

Overview of Strengths

  • Ability to coach a mediocre offense, with either a competent veteran (Chad Pennington), a top ten draft pick (Mark Sanchez), or a future Hall of Famer (Brett Favre) at quarterback.
  • Can receive constant praise for innovation due to confusing calls and despite me never breaking tendencies.
  • Can get away with calling 67 passes in a run first offense, without my head coach even noticing.
  • My offense allows for 75% of our fans to call out the play before it is ran.

Offensive Philosophy

  • On every single play, split my fullback out in the slot and motion him into fullback even though I know everybody knows he isn’t staying in the slot and will motion in.
  • Also sub in a specific receiver who is bigger and can block so I can motion him in towards the formation on all running plays.
  • Sub out four or five players on every play, we need a specific group to throw with and a specific group to run with.
  • Use all of these motions and subbing to confuse my offense, so we can have multiple false start penalties and delay of games, along with blowing timeouts frequently.
  • Never, ever throw the football down the field outside the hashes. The entire game takes place within 5 yards of the quarterback, inside of the hash marks.
  • Ignore the running game when it is working. Ignore the passing game when it is working.
  • Run stretch plays with my slowest running back in 2nd and short to set up 3 and 5.
  • Run 4 yard crossing routes on 3rd and 9.
  • Do not use explosive players enough – see Leon Washington, Joe McKnight.

Highlights

  • Needed my team to call timeout before the first play of the game, even though we had the first play scripted all week.
  • Dropped Mark Sanchez back 67 times against the New York Giants pass rush, when we were averaging 5 yards per carry.
  • Played Matthew Mulligan 25 snaps per game for an entire season.

Favorite Plays

  • Shotgun 4-wide, throw a 4 yard hook route to the tight end, usually on 3rd and long.
  • Motion receiver towards the formation and run toss, usually for a 3 or 4 yard loss.
  • Play action boot on 2nd and short out of the same formation, where the quarterback only has the option to throw to the tight end in the flat.
  • Slant. Slant. Slant.

Standard Drives

  • 1st and 10 – Run the football for a 1 yard gain.
  • 2nd and 9 – Throw 4 yard hook route to tight end.
  • 3rd and 5 – Throw 3 yard crossing route.
  • 1st and 10 – Run the football for a 7 yard gain.
  • 2nd and 3 – Go shotgun, get the quarterback sacked.
  • 3rd and 12 – Draw or check down to running back.
  • 1st and 10 – Throw slant for 8 yards
  • 2nd and 2 – Play action boot, quarterback rolls out, throws incompletion.
  • 3rd and 2 – Shotgun, sack or incompletion.

Author: Joe Caporoso

Joe Caporoso is the Owner and EIC of Turn On The Jets. His writing has been featured in the New York Times, Huffington Post, MMQB and AdWeek. Caporoso played football his entire life, including four years at Muhlenberg as a wide receiver, where he was arguably the slowest receiver to ever start in school history. He is the VP of Social Media at Whistle Sports