Due to my terrific inside sources around the New York Jets organization, I have been able to acquire a copy of the resume Brian Schottenheimer is using on his head coaching interviews.
Overview of Strengths
- Ability to coach a mediocre offense, with either a competent veteran (Chad Pennington), a top ten draft pick (Mark Sanchez), or a future Hall of Famer (Brett Favre) at quarterback.
- Can receive constant praise for innovation due to confusing calls and despite me never breaking tendencies.
- Can get away with calling 67 passes in a run first offense, without my head coach even noticing.
- My offense allows for 75% of our fans to call out the play before it is ran.
- On every single play, split my fullback out in the slot and motion him into fullback even though I know everybody knows he isn’t staying in the slot and will motion in.
- Also sub in a specific receiver who is bigger and can block so I can motion him in towards the formation on all running plays.
- Sub out four or five players on every play, we need a specific group to throw with and a specific group to run with.
- Use all of these motions and subbing to confuse my offense, so we can have multiple false start penalties and delay of games, along with blowing timeouts frequently.
- Never, ever throw the football down the field outside the hashes. The entire game takes place within 5 yards of the quarterback, inside of the hash marks.
- Ignore the running game when it is working. Ignore the passing game when it is working.
- Run stretch plays with my slowest running back in 2nd and short to set up 3 and 5.
- Run 4 yard crossing routes on 3rd and 9.
- Do not use explosive players enough – see Leon Washington, Joe McKnight.
- Needed my team to call timeout before the first play of the game, even though we had the first play scripted all week.
- Dropped Mark Sanchez back 67 times against the New York Giants pass rush, when we were averaging 5 yards per carry.
- Played Matthew Mulligan 25 snaps per game for an entire season.
- Shotgun 4-wide, throw a 4 yard hook route to the tight end, usually on 3rd and long.
- Motion receiver towards the formation and run toss, usually for a 3 or 4 yard loss.
- Play action boot on 2nd and short out of the same formation, where the quarterback only has the option to throw to the tight end in the flat.
- Slant. Slant. Slant.
- 1st and 10 – Run the football for a 1 yard gain.
- 2nd and 9 – Throw 4 yard hook route to tight end.
- 3rd and 5 – Throw 3 yard crossing route.
- 1st and 10 – Run the football for a 7 yard gain.
- 2nd and 3 – Go shotgun, get the quarterback sacked.
- 3rd and 12 – Draw or check down to running back.
- 1st and 10 – Throw slant for 8 yards
- 2nd and 2 – Play action boot, quarterback rolls out, throws incompletion.
- 3rd and 2 – Shotgun, sack or incompletion.