Battle Of New York: Fear And Loathing In Green

0

The Jets have had a great run under Rex Ryan. They’ve made it to the AFC championship two years in a row, upset favored teams and turned around an otherwise wallowing franchise in a relatively short amount of time. This weekend could change things for what was supposed to be a team on the upswing.

If the Jets fall to the Giants, all the Rex Ryan bravado from here on out will become a joke. No one will again take them seriously and they will have confidence issues going into the offseason. Coaches and players will not be safe. The need for a pass blocking tight end, an offensive tackle and a safety will create an all out panic and free agent frenzy in Florham Park. The Jets cannot afford to draft another Vladimir Ducasse.

Add this to the already strange offensive coordinator situation and potential departure of key defensive coaches, a loss to the Giants could mean at least a years work down the drain.

At this point even Rex Ryan sees the writing on the wall. He’s had two losses to the Patriots, a blowout loss to both the Ravens and Eagles, and the Jets have only dominated the Jaguars and the Chiefs. It is like Boise State beating up the Mountain West.

As someone with a relatively heavy interest in a Jets victory, I have devised a plan for both outcomes. A Jets win would create about 6 phone calls to relatives and friends after about half a bottle of Johnny Walker Black, at which point I will recreate the Miami Heat speech of not one, not two, not three. I will also call Patriots fans, who will for a brief moment be my friend via enemy of enemy. I will let them know that I singlehandedly prevented a rematch of the 2008 Super Bowl and that they should be eternally grateful. I will then send out pictures of Kate Upton to all Tom Brady fans and let them know that Tom Brady has finally lost out to Sanchez in the “how hot is my girl” contest.

As a good Giant fan friend of mine will be working until 6pm, it will allow me ample time to cover his entire vehicle in green paint, you know, the sort of stuff that teenage girls use on each others cars days before graduation. There will be expletives, bible quotes, and copious amounts of symbolism that no sane man could understand.

After all this, I will find the nearest Modells and buy a Plaxico Jersey, a helmet and a football and run into his place of work and spike the ball in the middle of his office.

Sadly, none of these things are going to happen. The Jets secondary is going to get burned by the Giants receivers and Jason Pierre Paul is going to put his stamp on a Pro Bowl year. The Jets aren’t fired up. Mark Sanchez is acting like the kid whose parents won’t let him go to the Montauk house after prom. They’ve got nothing to talk about anymore.

And because if a win is not coming I’m going to have to throw it back in the faces of every Giants fan. Yep! Right on to the Super Bowl brother! Charge through the NFC all the way to Indy. You guys really are the big brother. Just do New York proud. We’ll all be rooting for you.

True fear creates an almost comic sense of doom. Some of us in New York are already laughing.

Leave a Reply