Let Me Down Easy….They Stopped The Bleeding In New York And Somehow Rewrote The Birth Of Tragedy

“Man can believe the impossible, but can never believe the improbable”

– Oscar Wilde

BREAKING NEWS: There are riots erupting in front of the Garden…Knicks fans are calling for D’Antoni’s head. I can hear the chants from the Village…they want it hung from the rafters of MSG, mustache and all. They are products of their environment you see, spoiled by the defense of the Jets…Sorry, let’s stick to basketball…it’s been so long…no trades…free agency…stasis…visions of the Arctic Circle……..

Is it a waste of time to try and write about the NBA Playoffs while watching the NBA Playoffs? That’s a meta question indeed.  As per the writer’s contractual obligations, I must perform. Even under duress of utter boredom.

Tim Duncan is on my television. He is not dunking, he is not driving, just standing around, waiting for someone to shoot. I am attempting to watch the Spurs with some sort of excitement. It is not easy, as I am continuously waiting for Duncan to get a block and run it down the court for a glass shattering dunk…I am trying. Lord I am trying.

In my previous article I meant to discuss the vortex of doom surrounding NY sports teams as a result of Steinbrenner’s deal with the devil, which would cost all other teams championships, playoff wins etc…yet I refrained for fear of being right. So what happens? Billups shoots his knee cap off into the front row, Stoudemire has his back go out on him and Carmelo has to play with a bunch of dudes that wouldn’t even see the floor on a team like Boston or LA. On a scale of difficulty, I would crank this one up between trying to talk your way out of a DUI (Braylon!) and convincing your girlfriend that the playoffs are more important than the series finale of Glee.

Knick Fans: Calm down you Fanta looking freaks. It is my personal belief that we should give D’Antonio a shot next year. Then boot him off to the swamps if we can’t at least get a 4 seed.

Let’s see what this system of offensive insanity can do with all three stars having some actual time to get together and work out some sets, defensively and offensively. No one cares to think how hard it would be if you lost your two most important players in a playoff series against the three sages and the goblinboy (does Rondo look like Willem Dafoe or am I crazy?) especially when it is a point guard and a power forward/center hybrid who could make Kevin Garnett look like an old man on the post up. Although when Billups is aging and Stoudemire’s knees are as reliable as an Alfa Romeo on a cross country road trip, there may not be time left for such experiments.

All things must pass however, D’Antoni is off to go alligator hunting, OKC should give Denver one last beat-down. The Spurs look like a team being fitted for burial suits, the Bulls will live and die by the ankle of Derrick Rose.

The Magic have looked out of sorts except for Dwight Howard’s facial hair (No More Smiles), and I think the Hawks have proved that 3/4 stars (Johnson, Smith, Horford) can get you out of the first round when the other team goes 1 for 243 from 3. Dallas looks slow and old despite Dirk, although I hope they advance to have their it handed to them by the Lakers. Lastly, the Sixers outwilled the Knicks to at least get one win. That’s like watching the fat kid pass you in the annual mile run in middle school. It leaves scars you can’t see.